Sexuality and Spirituality

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The Art of Sucking Dick: Lesson 1
The Art of Eating Pussy (Part 3) The Conclusion
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tumblr_mcn987luct1r3n0dko1_250Sexuality and Spirituality are closely intertwined. When sexuality is grounded in a loving intimate relationship with another person it can increase our ability to connect with the vastness and wonder of the universe. When sexual desire is separate from a loving connection it can become a negative or empty experience separate. What helps a sexual relationship feel satisfying and connected, is a relationship that is satisfying and deeply connected. For many people, the desire for sexual union and ecstasy reflects a deeper desire for spirit and a sense of oneness with the Universe. While sexual union with another can give us a glimpse of the ecstasy of spiritual fulfilment, sex alone cannot give us that fulfilment. Hopefully, the desire for sex that satisfies and goes deep, will entice us to opening up our lives and become transparent to our partner.200_sSexuality and Spirituality are both deeply personal and connected to our life force energy. Our attitudes about life, love, care and compassion are all connected to our feelings about sexuality. We all came to this earth through a sexual act. If life is sacred, then so is sexuality. Unfortunately, sex has been tremendously defiled in our patriarchal culture where sexuality has been paired with shame, control, domination, exploitation and evil. To heal our sexuality means changing our beliefs so that we associate sexuality with love, care, joy and commitment. To do this means embarking on a journey where we open our minds to re-think all we have learned about sex-role stereotypes, love, sexuality and spirituality.

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   Getting beyond our self-absorption and being able to tap into the wonder and awe of creation can help us deepen our experience with sexuality. When we are full of tenderness, vitality, and openness to life, it helps sex have a flow and vitality that keeps it alive and fluid. If our lives are in a rut and we are out of touch with something beyond our separate self, sex tends to become mechanical and dull. We can use all kinds of techniques, but they are simply that, techniques. People tend to have numerous partners or lose interest in sex because they are unable to create a deep, loving connection that is fulfilling. Sex gets reduced to a physical high without the context of an evolving connection with another person. There is a tendency to blame one’s partner when the high fades–”you weren’t exciting enough”–rather than realizing something is missing within. This leads to a futile search for the “perfect” partner or more exotic sexual experiences. The pattern is broken when the person realizes that a sexual high will never quell the underlying restlessness and emptiness which can only be filled with honest, heartfelt connections to others.psychedelic-art-64Sexuality grounded in love, and commitment and openness to growth can deepen and strengthen the connection between two people and intensify their sense of intimacy and oneness. When we open our inner world to our partner and allow the power of our energy flow through us, we naturally open our heart. Opening the heart may also put us in touch with our heart aches–the painful inner feelings and memories that have been buried. This is why new relationships can feel so bittersweet. You feel love, passion and connection partly due to the hormonal rush that comes with new love. Then the buried or avoided pain from the past comes to the surface and can result in the petulant, hurt, possessive, scared parts tumbling out. Painful memories often come to the surface, often of sexual violation. If we allow these parts to surface , face them and heal them, we will grow immeasurably. This can be done within the context of a loving relationship if the partners becomes allies to each other—work together to deflate the old goblins, rather than act out against each other. If we try to bury our memories and live out a role, we will suffer physically, emotionally and spiritually. We may become depressed and feel our life energy and joy draining out of us.

largeSex can vary with the fluctuations in our lives–sometimes being sweet and tender, other times feeling powerful like the roar of an ocean wave. Like any energy force it waxes and wanes and changes like the seasons. New mothers sometimes lose interest in being sexual, especially if it seems like a duty. People who are overworked and tired, often lack the energy or interest to pleasure their partner and be open. Sexuality that sustains is a reflection of our inner worlds meeting each other. When two people first feel the electricity of sexual chemistry and attraction, sex may take center stage. This is fine so long as people don’t expect sex to be the only glue of the relationship.

Enduring happy couples have very different levels of sexual intensity, but for the most part those who have sexual chemistry between them from the start are more likely to have that sexual desire stay alive in a long term relationship. Sexual chemistry and attraction isn’t a guarantee of a healthy intimate relationship, but it is an important spark that helps keep relationships vital and alive. It also helps people surmount troubles and do the necessary work to stay together. That spark is part of our mystical bond with another human being. When people marry or become partnered because it they feel they “should’ or it is a good idea, often the sexuality does not stay alive and vital because the chemistry is absent.

When we are with a partner it’s important to remember that sexuality can be like a window to the rest of our relationship. Whatever is happening or not happening in our relationship may be reflected in the sexual relationship. Couples with long-term satisfying sexual relationships usually realize that when sex isn’t going well it reflects something deeper in the relationship–it’s not just about sex. It’s like a barometer for the whole relationship. “Now what aren’t we dealing with?” “What aren’t we talking about?” Have I been keeping secrets that have turned into guilt? In enduring, happy relationships people also realize the importance of keeping sex alive as an intrinsic part of the union. It would be very important if it were missing. It’s part of the glue, the very special union people have with their beloved partner and no other.tumblr_mzh6bkusvb1qdg0wco1_400A first step on the journey to sexual intimacy is to make a commitment to oneself: I am open to my feelings, to knowing myself and to knowing my partner. I am open to growth and change, love and commitment to myself.

Unless you make this commitment, you will block your sexual energy from flowing through you. In other words, you will dissociate from parts of yourself.

A second step is to say to oneself: I am committed to becoming more open, aware and attuned–to listening, understanding and feeling empathy with my partner and all people. This leads us to learning about love, truth, wisdom and purpose.

When we make this commitment it’s as if we say,  I am seeking more than sex from my partner. My partner is traveling beside me on my journey and we can learn from each and be helpmates, but we can’t replace the need to seek out the meaning of our lives as intertwined with all life.

A third step is to say to oneself: I will allow my playfulness, creativity and joy to come alive in all that I do.

As we come alive, open our creativity and feel joy in life, we bring bright energy to our spirit, body, sexuality and our partnerpsychedelic-art-64

The Art of Sucking Dick: Lesson 1
The Art of Eating Pussy (Part 3) The Conclusion
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